Life On A Dead Planet

Compliance, Al Pacino, and Linda McCartney

So, that's me finished the Code of Business Conduct Training.

It was one of those godawful American corporate productions made in the mid-2000s, and comprised a load of pretty unrealistic scenes and situations I have never, ever, in all the 40-odd years I’ve been working found myself in. I work in IT, not sales, or finance and so most of this was pretty hypothetical.

And, I have to be honest, it has left me deeply depressed. Where are all these opportunities to bribe foreign government officials, or to get invited to hotel rooms by drunk female co-workers (like I said, mid-2000s, so don’t be all judgemental) to, cough, "work on a presentation". I’ve never had a chance to participate in insider trading, or to talk to the press and/or pass on sensitive company information to men in car parks?

Talk about feeling left out. It left me wondering how different my life might have been if I did work in sales, or finance.

I mean, about the only non-compliant thing I've done in the four years I've worked here is the other week when the vending machine downstairs gave out two packets of crisps instead of one. And yes, the machine did require a slight nudge to get that extra bag of Cheese 'n Onion to drop, but I didn't report it, because that's called "a break", and not "a violation of business ethics". Right?

Anyway, the rest of the day passed of without incident, illegal or otherwise.

Anyone out there watching Hunters? We’ve just started season 2, and it’s getting a wee bitty spicey. I’ll not give much away in the way of spoilers, but what the fuck is that nun-lady doing? She can’t be trusted. At all. Unless there’s some sort of subplot going on I’ve not caught on to yet. And sure, god bless him, Al Pacino. Great actor and all that, but that faux-rage thing he does is sort of his ‘thing’ nowadays, right? The shouty bit with the rise in pitch at the end. Not sure if that’s what it’s called but you know what I mean. Likesay, great actor, but if you’ve reached the heights of The Godfather (even Part 3 which is actually not a bad story) then it’s hard to follow that up. Donnie Brasco was grand, as was The Irishman and Dog Day Afternoon. The less said about Jack and Jill, or Misconduct, the better.

Not sure why I am saying all this. Talking shite, really.

It’s probably because I’ve not really spoken to anyone today, other than the 0930 stand-up this morning but that now feels like a lifetime away. The curse of working from home. I’m definitely getting some cabin fever here. But we’ll soon fix that as we’re down to one and a half toilet rolls and I’ve just been volunteered to go down the shops and get some more before we reach crisis point.

Right, that's it for now. Off you go, yer tea'll be getting cold.

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